How you handle the first few months of a divorce may determine how quickly you recover. Some people bounce back, begin dating and don’t feel extreme depression after only a few months. Some people take years to recover, and some people never really get over their divorce. It’s a great idea to make a plan for your recovery. Set high goals, but be realistic. This will keep you on track to ensure that you are growing and moving past the anger, guilt or sadness caused by a separation or divorce. Author and divorce coach Lois Tarter recently provided the following tips to help you in the first few months of a marriage ending:
Create a dream board. Cut out pictures or write notes and stick them on a cork board. Dream big! What do you want to accomplish in the next few years? You’ll find that there are some things you might be able to dream about now that you’re single that you couldn’t before.
Lighten up. The divorce was almost inevitably difficult, drama-filled and/or depressing. So stay away from that. Avoid drama, laugh often and do everything you know to keep your spirits high. Spend time with friends who don’t want to only discuss your divorce.
Be there for your family. A divorce or separation affects everyone, especially your children. Being a supportive and loving mother or father to them will keep you grounded as well.
Eliminate contact. There are certain situations that call for contact with your ex, such as decisions about your children. But as much as you can, take a break completely. The random conversations, flirting, fighting or catching up will only make it more difficult for you to fully move forward.
See your friends more. As a single person you have more time and availability to see your friends, so take advantage of it. It will keep you in good health emotionally, and it will show you that there are a few positives about the single life. The divorce process seemed overwhelmingly bad, but good can come from it.
Enjoy a change of scenery. Get out of Orange County. I’m sure there are many places you’ve wanted to go and things you’ve wanted to do that you haven’t been able to. Go by yourself (Eat, Pray, Love) or travel with a friend on a week/weekend when your kids are with your ex. It will help clear your mind and show you that divorce is just a speed bump in the many paths to your future.