That’s the million dollar question. Everyone going through a divorce needs to decide what process they’ll take. The decision you make may have a great impact on you and on your loved ones who will ultimately feel the pain of the divorce as well– such as your children. [Read more…]
The simple title of this post could cause some parents anxiety. For a variety of reasons, some parents are truly terrified to even try to tell their children that they may need to see a therapist. Many children should see a therapist after their parents divorce or separate, but that’s a tough thing to talk about.
Will they be angry? Defensive? Emotional? Will he think that you see him as a failure or not mentally stable? Psychotherapist Kate Scharff believes that the parents often have a harder time believing that their kids need therapy than the children do. Here’s what she says you can do to make the discussion go as smooth as can be:
Wait for a calm moment. This may seem like common sense, but you’d be surprised how many parents will get into a fight with their child and, in the heat of the moment, yell “You need therapy!” This is obviously not a good idea and will only elicit a negative response.
Identify the problem. Don’t make vague statements about what you think may be happening. Tell them exactly what you’ve noticed that has concerned you. This may help them realize some of their issues that therapy might help fix.
Offer compassion. Again, this might not need to be stated, but be as compassionate as possible. Your child will need comforting and an understanding ear to speak to.
Explain therapy. Research it and study how therapy works. This will take away some of the mystery and scariness.
Once therapy is underway…
Don’t “grill” your child. He/she may want to talk all about it or not at all. It’s ok to ask a question or two, but don’t ask 20. That may actually be quite counterproductive.
Remind them that therapy is a resource, but don’t say it too often. And please, do NOT say it as a defense mechanism… ie- “You should really see your therapist more often…” in a heated moment.
Don’t use therapy as discipline. Don’t make your child see it as a punishment, or he/she will never want to go.
HealthNewsDigest recently posted an article with tips regarding how to talk to your kids about divorce, and we thought we’d share the information here. Telling your kids that you will be splitting from your spouse is one of the hardest things a parent can do. Depending on the age of your children, they may not fully comprehend why it’s happening or how it involves them. [Read more…]
One of the hardest parts of divorce for most people is the amount of change that will occur. Many of the stable things in your life that have been that way for potentially many years change rapidly. Change is inevitable when divorcing or separating. But here are a few tips from Cheryl Dillon, CPC, ELI-MP that can help you through the process: [Read more…]
If you’re a divorced parent, you understand the deep desires to protect your kids, ensure that they have a “normal” upbringing, and that co-parenting or single parenting won’t negatively affect them. It’s (or it should be) every parent’s wish to make sure their kids and taken care of. Especially if you were dragged through your parents’ messy divorce, you definitely want to avoid that with your kids. [Read more…]
A fairly new term in the divorce world is “Gray Divorce,” referring to the rising rate of divorce among baby boomers. Given that the rate is rising fast enough in California to coin a term, we thought we’d share HuffPost’s best tips for baby boomers going through a divorce or separation. [Read more…]
We’ve written before about the many different ways to get over an ex post-divorce. If you googled the idea, you could probably find 100 different ways from thousands of people who have different ideas about how to move past a messy divorce. So instead of providing a long list, we thought we’d share just three things to consider if you’re recently divorced. Remember that divorce isn’t easy on anyone and you will find new hills to climb each day, but keep moving forward and it will get easier. [Read more…]
A guest post from Dr. Karen Finn: Divorce can shake a person’s ability to trust someone else to the core. Yet, in order for any relationship to thrive, trust is a necessity. In this Part 2 of The 8 Keys to Trust in a Post-Divorce Relationship, I’ll share keys 5-8 on what characteristics must be present for a deep and abiding trust in another person to exist. [Read more…]
Bitterness, hateful words, and negative body language toward your ex may make yo feel good for the moment, but in actuality they can only eat you up inside and harm your children. Self control when communicating with your ex or about your ex can create a more peaceful relationship for you and your kids. [Read more…]
Bohm Wildish: Divorce Advice – Mothers are typically known for being able to emotionally connect easier with their children. Whether that’s due to socialization or gender makeup is up for debate. Fathers sometimes struggle to connect with their children, and being a single parent or trying to parent without Mom there can make it even more difficult. About dot com recently shared ten ways that fathers can connect with their children. We found them useful and wanted to share them here: [Read more…]