The holidays demand a huge amount of time and effort, and they can be especially challenging for divorced couples. Every split couple with kids is in a slightly different situation and family dynamic, and there isn’t one easy answer for everyone. But Ann Blumenthal Jacobs, author of “Love for Grown Ups”, recently wrote an article for the Huffington Post as a step-by-step guide to surviving the holidays. We think Jacobs is right on the money with this divorce advice, and wanted to share it for anyone nervous about the next few weeks.
If children are involved in holiday plans, work that out first. That may go without saying, but children are the priority and nothing will get solved without figuring out that situation. Ask these questions: How long and when will the kids or step-kids be staying with you? When and how long will your kids be with their mother/father and when will they be with you?
Get dates in your calendar as far in advance as possible. If all the scheduling isn’t worked out by now, you’re already late. Figure it out today!
Schedule nothing one day or one weekend. Everyone agrees the holiday season is stressful, so why make it worse by keeping yourself busy 24/7. If the kids are with your ex, that day will your “me time.” And it will be a great Christmas present to yourself! If you have the kids, don’t udnerestimate how great a spontaneous day with no plans can turn out to be.
Make a gift list and check it MANY times. In blended families gift giving may be a bit trickier. Do you buy a gift for your ex? For their new spouse? Our advice is to over-buy. Assume they’re giving you a gift, and if they don’t you can return what you got them before giving it to them. It’s the easiest way to avoid an awkward situation.
Don’t think you have to celebrate a holiday on the exact day. In many situations, you may need to celebrate before or after the actual holiday… and that doesn’t make it any less of a celebration. It is what you make of it.
See people who make you happy. That’s what the holiday season is all about! Get together with friends you don’t have any issues with and do something different to celebrate the season and friendship.
Give yourself a gift. Divorce can be tough and when you think the challenges are over, the holidays roll around. Treat yourself as well as treating others. Remember to be thankful for the people that are still in your life, and try not to dwell on those that aren’t.