Bohm Wildish: Divorce Advice – In a recent post we talked about hating your ex post-split, and who’s that really hurting. We all can agree that anger isn’t helping us at all, but can we recognize when we’re too angry? If your anger over a messy divorce or a sour-ending marriage is justified, should you hold on to that anger?
That anger has the ability to take over lives, and affect the lives of your children. It’s a natural emotion that tells us something is wrong, but how long do we need that emotion to last? Knowing how to manage anger can help us think before we act, set limits and determine boundaries in relationships.
Good divorce advice; Rosalind Sedaccaand and Amy Sherman, LHMC recently provided the following questions for divorcing people to ask themselves to discover if they have anger issues post-divorce:
Do I lose my temper quickly? Are small things setting me off? Do I seem just as upset now as I did during the divorce or marriage?
Am I displaying inconsistent behavior? Are my friends and family noticing that they can’t predict how I’ll react to things? Do I seem to be fairly mellow about things that might matter more, and upset about things that really don’t?
Am I hurting the people closest to me? Is my anger displaced, and am I taking it out on everyone else? Do my friends and family seem to want to spend less time with me since my divorce?
Have I found myself explaining my behavior? Why does my behavior need justifying? If it was an appropriate reaction, would I feel the need to tell my ex, friends and/or family why I’m behaving this way?
Recently divorced parents can now take anger management courses online. Even the court mandated anger management can be completed online. Many people think there’s no way they need that type of help, but just as many are glad they take the time to help themselves once it’s over. Spousal support, child support, child custody and all the post-divorce life differences can be challenging and bring about a range of emotional reactions you may not know how to deal with.
Orange County and Los Angeles have many experienced post-divorce counselors and anger management therapists that are here to help. Many of our clients have found them to be a life saver the few months after a split, and we can recommend excellent counselors. Consider it if you’ve answered yes to many of the above questions. You have to learn to help yourself before you can help all those around you.