Divorce is difficult enough when it concerns consenting adults. When children are involved, who have no say in the matter and may not know why their parents are divorcing, it is even more difficult. In such cases, the divorcing spouses must proceed with care to not cause additional harm to their children.
It is not uncommon for children to feel as if they are responsible for their family breaking up. Also, many children feel confused and unloved during such times because both parents are not paying as much attention to them and also saying negative things about their other parent.
To be certain, divorce, especially California divorce, will change the amount of time that you are able to see your children. It also changes the way you will relate to them. Minimizing the negative affects of divorce on your children will help them come through it in as healthy a manner as possible. Here are 10 tips to help in the process:
1. Make sure you always arrive for visitations on time and consistently, as children get very disappointed if you miss a scheduled visit. Make your children a priority!
2. Don’t argue with your ex in your child’s presence, and especially avoid arguing when talking about the child.
4. Don’t talk about financial or legal issues when your child is present.
5. Don’t make your child responsible for passing information between you and your former spouse.
6. Don’t ask your child to spy on your ex-spouse. This includes any inquiries about your ex’s dating status.
7. Don’t prevent your child from seeing their other parent as a way to punish your former spouse.
8. Don’t speak negatively about your ex to the child.
9. Make sure your children know that separation isn’t their fault and both parents will always love and support them.
10. Schedule meaningful activities during your custodial time, and take interest in the children’s schoolwork and extracurricular activities.
If you moved out of your home prior to the divorce being legally granted, move back in as soon as possible. Once you move out, you ruin your chance at custody. Living with your spouse may be tense. To minimize friction and the chance for domestic violence, consider a “time sharing” agreement so that you and your spouse can share the home and custody of the children both now and later, when the divorce is resolved.
Child custody, visitation and support will be significant parts of the divorce process. They create points of contention, flare emotions, and can prolong the process to create more pain and financial discomfort than is necessary. Aside from keeping the children feeling safe and loved, you must also educate yourself with custody, visitation rights and support laws to protect your own rights as a parent.
A lot goes into determining custody and visitation, so do not expect that this process will happen quickly. With a number of evaluations to be performed and decisions to be made, you will need to arm yourself with knowledge to protect your parental rights. Moreover, it is likely that custody will be determined through Child Custody Mediation. Though designed to be fair, this is another long and complex process.