Ending any relationships is challenging, but ending a marriage is the hardest. Divorce and separation are two of the most dreaded things in this society, and rightfully so. However, holding on to romantic feeling for your ex husband or wife will only make the process longer and harder for you. However, you must also have patience to allow the necessary time for your wounds to heal. Here are a few tips from Love Counsellor about handling a break-up:
Accepting the divorce
We sometimes deny the fact that the most significant person in our lives will no longer be around. It’s a daunting truth, and one that takes time to process and believe. It’s ok to be in the denial phase for a short time, but holding onto that thought that they could come back to you when you know that won’t happen is unhealthy. Face the facts and face reality to move past step one in the recovery process.
Don’t place blame
Once you’ve accepted that the breakup happened, you may want to find someone to blame: you or your ex. Don’t play that game. Both scenarios are a wrong approach. What happened is done, and it’s rarely only one person’s fault. Blaming yourself will make you feel depression or loneliness, and blaming your ex will only give you feelings of resentment or anger.
After a breakup you may feel like things are never going to be normal again. You might feel like you’ll never remarry and the pain will never go away. A handy secret is that you can actually control those thoughts. It’s easiest to let those thoughts encompass your brain. And while it is harder, practice thinking positively. You can choose to be happy and choose to believe that once this divorce is over, your life may be headed in a better direction.
The divorce or separation may take over more phases of your life than you expected it to: your friends, your job, your family, etc. So while it’s important to try to keep those areas of your life moving forward, it’s just as important to start new. Make new friends, find new hobbies, etc. This is the chance you didn’t have before to be a new “you”… an even better version.
Don’t let yourself be in the self- pity stage for too long. Get off the couch and get out there and experience all that Orange County has to offer that you’ve never seen before. Choose to be happy and choose to be a better you from this day forward.