Bohm Wildish: Post Divorce Tips – We can all be our own biggest critic. When a big part of your life has changed or you’re in a transition period and can’t find someone to blame, many of us blame ourselves. This can be very unhealthy post-divorce or separation, and it can really hinder your recovery process and your relationships with your friends/family. You’ll start telling yourself stories that may not even be true, and you may certainly exaggerate what really went wrong in your marriage. You need to think positively. Here are four things that Christine Arylo believes you should NEVER tell yourself:
1- “He loves her more than.” (All of these statements can be he or she.) Instead, remind yourself that your ex’s current life has nothing to do with you. Love can’t be measured. You will never truly know what it’s like in his/her new relationship, just like many people didn’t know what it was like in yours. They may be able to fake happy, or they might be genuinely happy together. Either way, neither circumstance does you any good. It only hurts you to dwell on it.
2- “She changed! Why couldn’t she be like that when she was with me!?” Instead, tell yourself that you aren’t the right fit anymore, and that’s ok. Let’s hope that going through a divorce has made your both take a step back, reevaluate and fix a few things. But that doesn’t mean that all of a sudden you’re the right fit again. If changing was that easy and you would’ve been perfect with just a few changes, you wouldn’t have divorced.
3- “I’ll be alone forever.” Instead, remind yourself that you’re never alone. There is so much love in the world if you open your heart up to it. There are a lot of bleak perspectives of our world, but if you look close enough, you’ll find thousands of people around you that want to be your friend, family, partner, etc. You just have to be ready to give and accept all the love you deserve. Most importantly, know that the most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself. Love yourself. You should enjoy doing things alone, having alone time or finding a fun hobby or activity in Orange County to participate in alone. If that’s not true, you aren’t loving yourself and all that the world has to offer enough.
4- “The best part of my life is over.” Instead, know that you have the power to write the next chapter of your life any way you want. That’s empowering! You have more control over your life now that you did when you were married, and you can’t know that that was the best part of your life, because you haven’t lived the other parts yet! This is the time to take full control, figure out what you want in life, and go get it!
Divorce is always challenging and no matter what your family circumstance is, it may seem like it’s the end of your world. But it’s actually a time to start fresh. Take advantage of that and start living life to the fullest each and every day.