Legend says the holiday began as a way to commemorate St. Valentine, a Roman clergyman.  In 270 AD Roman Emperor Claudius II wanted a strong army, yet the men didn’t want to be soldiers. Claudius surmised the men wanted to stay home to be with their wives and children instead of leaving to fight wars. Claudius’ solution was to cancel all marriages. He thought if men couldn’t marry, they’d ignore the women and want to be soldiers. St. Valentine secretly continued to marry couples. He was unfortunately executed for going against the emperor’s orders on or around February 14.

The historical coincidence may play a role in the Valentine’s Day divorce filings’ jinx, but more likely, the timing arises because of people waiting until after the holidays to put all their cards on the table. Also football season is over, and winter cabin fever has set in. Add in the stress of proclaiming your love for one another when things are obviously not working makes it all the more reason to contemplate getting a divorce.

If you struggle at the card aisle finding a Valentine’s Day card, take a moment to think about all of the things you have to be grateful for in your spouse or life partner. Your heartfelt appreciation may be needed to keep the fires burning. If this fails, call an experienced family law divorce attorney.

Learn More About Aaron Dishon, Managing Partner of Dishon & Block

That, of course, depends on what aspect of adoption you are looking at. Are you seeking to adopt a child? Do you want to pursue international adoption? Do you want to relinquish your parental rights and give up a child for adoption? Do you want to adopt a stepchild? All of these situations are governed by their own set of laws, which makes having a qualified family or adoption lawyer especially important.

Do you need an adoption lawyer? Many states require that an attorney be involved before an adoption is finalized, so it is necessary for a legal and binding adoption. Many people consult a lawyer about the adoption law or how to locate a baby or child for adoption. Other times, adoption cases are contentious, and a lawyer is needed to present your case to the family court and state why you are the best guardian for the child.

In addition to having a lawyer, it is important to have an understanding of adoption law. This makes the process a bit less intimidating, and it helps you prepare to present your case effectively. Here are some resources that can help:

Life123. This site has information on different types of adoption, as well as links to other resources which all parties may find useful.

Laws.Adoption. This site can link you to the specific adoption laws for your state. It also has extensive information on federal adoption statutes, as well as a discussion forum.

Childwelfare.gov. A very informative site, Childwelfare.gov provides a primer on adoption law. What do you need to know about home studies? How do you engage in the placement process? What legal documents do you need to complete and file? In addition, this site links to reliable, reputable sources for further information on specific topics, including parenting after adoption, making adoption affordable, special circumstances adoptions.

Adoptionguide.com. This site provides information on subjects like the cost of adoption, financing adoption, international adoption, and more.

Finding a qualified attorney who specializes in adoption and family law is essential. Here are some questions to ask prospective attorneys:

• How many adoption cases have you handled?
• What types of adoptions have you handled? Stranger adoptions? Stepparent? Relative adoptions? Abandonment cases? Parents giving up children for adoption? International adoption?
• What is the average cost of adoption cases you have handled?
• What specific services do you provide?
• How does the process work?
• What if the adoption falls through?

A qualified family law attorney can help you with adoption, custody, support, divorce, restraining orders, alimony, and other cases. With issues as complex and intimidating as adoption law, it is worth investing in a qualified attorney.

— Comments:

01/29/2012 Thank you for this Aaron. I have linked to this article from my blog Hurley Law Office.
Best Regards, William J. Hurley

Author William Bridges in his book, Transitions — Making Sense of Life’s Changes, shares the difference between “change” and “transition.”  Change is situational, whereas transition is psychological.  With divorce there are obvious changes, and with them come a transitional inner reorientation and self-redefinition.  Divorce takes on a painful quality, when you are living with the unknown and going through these times.

The good news is when we check in with clients a year or two out from their divorce, we hear these “good life” scenarios:

• My home is no longer filled with tension.
• I have a much better relationship with my children.
• It’s great to have the freedom to do what I want — when I want.
• My career is back on track, and I see the potential of falling in love again.
• I no longer have to walk on eggshells out of fear.
• My new life is centered on my passions and interests.
• My children are better behaved and are able to talk to me.

After the fog of uncertainty lifts from your divorce, there is a new beginning. It helps to know you are not alone. Every lifetime has its own unique rhythms, and with the proper legal counsel you take your crisis and turn it into a door opening for change and transition.

Dr. Robert Bauserman of the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, has been studying shared custody for years. In a recent study, he compared adjustment of children in shared physical or joint legal custody situations with those in sole custody situations. Dr. Bauserman found that children who either live with both parents or who spend time with each, are “better adjusted” than those who were in sole custody situations. They tend to have fewer emotional and behavioral problems, better relationships with family, and better performance in school. “These children,” says Bauserman, “were as well-adjusted as intact family children. This is probably because joint custody provides the child with an opportunity to have ongoing contact with both parents.”

California Divorce Guide – Learn More About: Child Custody in California

It isn’t only the children that benefit; Dr. Bauserman found that parents who share custody tend to have lower levels of conflict with the other parent. One of the arguments against shared custody is that it exposes children to ongoing conflict; the opposite is true, however. Even when non-custodial parents have visitation rights, it still aids in the adjustment and well being of the child.

This does not mean that every child would benefit from spending time with each parent or that doing so will not be detrimental. An example: Jennifer McIntosh, associate professor and clinical psychologist from La Trobe University’s School of Public Health and Family Transitions found that “rigid arrangements of any kind, often fueled by acrimony and poor cooperation, and set out in court orders, are associated with higher depressive and anxiety symptoms in children and this form of living became something children often sought to change.”

According to the study, increased irritability and “more vigilant efforts…to watch and stay near the resident parent” were demonstrated in children under two who stayed with the non-resident parent overnight one or more times per week. In children age two to three, overnight care with the non-resident parent was associated with lower levels of persistence and behavioral difficulties. By age four to five, these effects were no longer evident.

If your child is this young, it may be in his/her best interest to have a consistent nighttime routine and that one parent have primary custody, with the other getting daytime visitation. The point is, though, that shared custody can, and does work, if parents are committed to acting in their best interests.

In some cases, joint child custody or even visitation is not in the child’s best interests; most of the time, however, it is more beneficial for a child to have both parents involved in his life in some capacity. Custody laws <insert link to article 5> are aimed at providing the best situation for a child with separated parents.

According to marriage scientist Terri Orbuch, PhD., about 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce today. When J. Lo and Marc Anthony called it quits after seven years, thoughts of the infamous “seven-year itch” surfaced. But in reality, 10 percent of first marriages end in divorce in the first five years. According to Orbuch who has followed nearly 400 couples since 1986 as part of a National Institutes of Health study on relationships, it’s between the 3.5 and 5-year range where you’re most likely to experience a significant drop in marital quality and most likely to get divorced.  The honeymoon effect has worn off and romance is trumped by problems like money worries and family drama. Stress levels peak at the three-year mark. What once was a minor irritation, like poor table manners, shifts to majorly annoying. This time slot is coined the “three-year glitch.”

The study indicates there’s smooth sailing once again until around 10 years, and then it gets rocky again between 16 and 20 years.  If you make it past 20, you’ve pretty much achieved a level of satisfaction and companionship.  The 30-year benchmark can bring on some surprises like a Tipper and Al Gore split.

If you’ve ever woke up in the middle of the night and wondered who is this person and why did I marry them? Let go of the guilt — you are not alone.

Cooperative co-parenting with your ex is not necessarily easy, but is definitely worth the effort. With attention and commitment, it gives children a sense of stability and reinforces their close relationships with both parents. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not ever over. Your children and future grandchildren are priority one. Children should understand that they are more important than the circumstances that ended the marriage, and also that your mutual love for them will endure regardless of changing conditions.

Take the time to establish a positive co-parenting plan during and after your divorce.
Your children will:

• Feel loved. With both parents choosing to compromise for the sake of their love for their children, the kids grow up knowing they are treasured.
• Adjust more quickly to changes in their environment.  When they know they are being cared for, they respond with good behavior.
• Feel safe and protected. This security leads to confidence and higher self-esteem.
• Gain strength from consistent expectations. With a co-parenting plan in place, one that has similar rewards, rules and discipline between homes, children know what to expect, as well as what is expected of them.
• Have role models. As co-parents you both are able to step up your negotiating and problem-solving skills. Your children may take these same skill sets into their adult life.

Putting your children’s needs before your own–and truly accepting who’s the adult in the situation is a big first step to successful co-parenting.

California Divorce Guide Article: Child Custody in California

In California, each parent is assumed to have equal rights and responsibilities regarding their children. But according to census data, mothers more often receive sole custody of the children. This is true in 82 to 85 percent of divorces. In South Dakota, for instance, the court usually awards custody at the beginning of a divorce proceeding, and the primary caregiver is typically given custody right away. In Georgia, both parents must submit a written parenting plan, detailing why he/she deserves custody, before the court decides.

Each state differs, and it is essential that you have a qualified attorney that is well-versed in the specific state laws. This is true whether the child and both parents live in the same state or you live in another state. How do you find the right lawyer to ensure your rights are protected in family court?

• See if you qualify for free or low-cost legal help.

• Ask friends or family members for recommendations.

• Use a State Bar-certified lawyer referral service to find a qualified lawyer.

• Take advantage of free or low-fee consultations.

• Ask for client testimonials.

• Look online for lawyer reviews and/or ratings. Research his/her associations and credentials.

• Ask about payment plans and how billing works. Make sure you understand what you are getting in return for your fees.

• Assess the skill and personality of the lawyer. You do not have to like your attorney, but you do need to trust in his expertise and ability to help you.

A lawyer can help evaluate your case and discuss your options so your rights and interests are represented in court. Having an attorney does not indicate that you are “out to get” your ex-partner or want to make the process more contentious; it simply means that you want the court to be aware of your rights and responsibilities in regards to your child.

Whether you are trying to gain joint custody of a child or you have cause to try to prevent the other parent from having custodial or visitation rights, an attorney can be your most powerful ally. It may be costly in the short-term, but in the long-term, it is one of the best investments you can make in your family.

A variety of factors influences the decision of which attorney you hire, including experience, personality, skill, negotiating and/or courtroom expertise, and, not the least of which, cost. A divorce lawyer in California typically costs about $284 per hour; you may also have to pay for support staff, like paralegals, that are involved in your case. If you cannot afford this, it does not necessarily mean you have to go without a lawyer. In fact, it is often well worth the cost in the long-term. Here are some ways to get legal help on a lower income:

• Check state or federally funded programs. Legal Aid offices offer services based on income, and many firms throughout the state of California work on divorce cases on a pro bono basis. It is worth your time to look for these lawyers, especially since they specialize in this particular area.
• If you are a victim of domestic abuse, you will find many more firms and agencies that are willing to help you on a pro bono or greatly reduced fee basis.
• Self-help clinics are available; here volunteer lawyers answer questions and help with forms. While this is not the same as having a retained lawyer, it is far better than going it alone.

Many lawyers accept payment plans, so if you earn too much money to qualify for legal help, you can pay your fees over time. Yes, it is an unwelcome expense that comes at a very difficult time, but it can help protect your rights and get you a more advantageous settlement.

California Family Law: An oft-quoted statistic is that about half of all marriages will end in divorce; the silver lining in that particular cloud is that it is relatively easy to find attorneys who specialize, or have extensive experience, in divorce law. Lawyers do not have to be certified in a particular field, such as divorce law, and it is possible that you could retain a lawyer who is more of a generalist or who has more experience in real estate, tax, or corporate law. You really need to be sure that he/she is well-versed in state divorce law specifically. This is important because laws are continually shifting, and because the stakes tend to be high.

Learn More: Planning for a Divorce

The internet makes it easier to research your divorce lawyer and check his credentials, which you should always do. Is your lawyer in good standing with the California Bar Association? Does he belong to professional associations related specifically to divorce specialties? Can you find client reviews and ratings? All of these are important questions to answer.

The right divorce attorneys <insert link to article 2> can help you navigate the difficult process with more confidence and help you secure a more favorable outcome.

Video: California Divorce Laws

Paperwork! Do you know what happens when your divorce paperwork is filed in a California court? Nothing. The paperwork is stamped and stored. Nothing proceeds unless and until you, or your representative, initiate the process. It can be difficult to know what comes next and which steps you have to take, especially given the constantly shifting nature of divorce and family laws. Do you need temporary relief? Do you need a custody and/or child support order? Do you need an order allowing you to move out of state or sell community property? Do you know how to do that? Do you have time to do that? A lawyer, or his/her staff, can handle these details for you, ensuring that it is done correctly and within time constraints. California divorce attorneys Dishon & Block can guide you through the Los Angeles and Orange County Family Court system. Lean more about the California divorce process.

Impartiality. When a marriage is ending, it is difficult to think clearly or without emotion on such essential issues as child custody or alimony. In some cases, one party may want to take punitive action; on the other hand, many people are unable to believe their former partner would treat them unfairly. In either case, the impartiality of a divorce lawyer can help you make the decisions that best represent your best interests, as well as those of your children.

Unbundling. It is increasingly common for people to hire a family law attorney to handle certain aspects of their case rather than handing over everything and putting it in their control. Unbundling, also called limited scope representation, can amount to consultation, document preparation, and/or limited representation in court. This saves money and gives you the benefit of expert advice and assistance.

Contact Dishon & Block Family Law: Los Angeles and Orange County Divorce Attorneys

Fear, Lying, or Unfair Treatment. If you are in fear of your partner or think he may be lying to you (by hiding assets, for instance), hiring a divorce lawyer becomes even more important. In situations where violence is feared, a lawyer can not only help you attain a restraining order, but can help you get money from joint accounts. If a spouse suspects the other party of hiding assets, a lawyer can work with a forensic accountant to track down the missing money. In cases like this, it is important that your rights are heard and represented in court.

When you are going through a legal separation or divorce in Orange County or Los Angeles, it can be vital that you have an attorney that can guide you through the process. Whether it is for the purposes of filing paperwork properly or helping you stand up for yourself when your spouse is taking vindictive or punitive action, a divorce or family attorney <insert link to article 3> can be a solid presence in a tumultuous time.

In California, couples must usually follow the state guidelines which determine the amount of child support that a parent owes. The Department of Child Support Service (DCSS) has a convenient calculator that can help you figure out what this figure should be. Parents can agree, however, on a different support amount. If they do, though, it has to be approved by a judicial officer. If this is the route that a divorcing couple opts to take, they must sign the Stipulation to Establish or Modify a Child Support Order (Form FL-350). If the payment amount is reasonable and is in the child’s best interest, then it will likely be approved by the court.

The order must be filed with the court; verbal agreements do not have the force of law behind them and it is much more difficult to enforce payments. Wage withholding is generally the most effective way to do this. From the time a support order is issued, wages can be withheld from the obligated parent’s check. It is common now for payments to be made to a court-ordered program because enforcement is easier and arrearages can be detected quickly.

Even if your divorce was uncontested, it does not necessarily indicate that you will get payments on time or at all. Under federal law, California is required to provide divorced couples with child support enforcement services. You can check out the DCSS website linked to above to see what services are available to you. In the case of nonpayment, the government may intercept tax refunds, as well as unemployment or disability payments. They may report arrearages to credit bureaus, suspend driver’s or professional licenses, file liens against bank accounts or real estate, suspend or deny a passport, assess fines and penalties, and sentence the non-compliant parent to jail time. In California, parents are also allowed to hire a child support collection agency, which often have a very high success rate.

If a parent is in arrearage because of a significant change in income or in the amount of time the child spends with him/her, then a request can be made to modify the support agreement. It is essential that parents approach the court. DCSS can help you do this.

Uncontested divorces can be just as emotionally draining as contested ones; however, the silver lining is often a smoother, more streamlined process. When you have agreed to important issues, like child support, you can save time, money, and distress. If, however, your ex-partner reneges on the support agreement, it is important to pursue child support enforcement measures. Along with parental rights <insert link to article 3> is the responsibility to provide financially for your child.