Archives for June, 2010

Jun 29, 2010

When It’s Time To Announce Your Divorce

The conversation you have with friends and family members announcing your divorce ranks among the most difficult conversations you will have in your lifetime.  However, there comes a point when it has to be done, no matter how difficult.

When you do announce your divorce, keep the following advice in mind.

If you have children, talk to them first

Make sure your children do not hear about your divorce before you get the chance to tell them. Prior to your conversation, sit down with your spouse to discuss what you’ll say.  It’s imperative you have a consistent message.

Tell your children about the facts of the divorce (our California Child Custody Glossary may help), but more importantly, tell them you love them no matter what. Give your children a chance to ask questions and let them know they can always talk to you.

Jun 27, 2010

20 Recommended Books on Divorce

We recommend our clients and friends who deal with divorce focus on getting all the help they need, be it from an attorney, counselor, friends, and, of course, books. We have read or heard good things about each of the following books (Best books on divorce are not listed in any particular order).

Grieving and Recovery

1.    The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith by John W. James

2.    How to Survive the Loss of Love by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, and Melba Colgrove

3.    Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher

4.    Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott JD Med

5.    Healing A Broken Heart: A Guided Journal Through the Four Seasons of Relationship Recovery by Sarah La Saulle and Sharon Kagan

Jun 25, 2010

Tax Tips for the Newly Divorced

Now that you are single again (or about to be single again), it’s time to take another look at your finances and the tax implications of your choices. The following tips make sure you follow the law and also help you to save money.

Filing a Tax Return

You will need to gather and copy several years’ worth of personal tax returns. If your spouse has a business, you will want to review those business returns even if you didn’t sign them. You need to have access to all information.

Jun 23, 2010

Getting Divorced? Careful What You Put on Facebook

Now that you and your spouse have decided to split, it’s time to rethink how you use Facebook. Not only will the communications with your spouse, family, and friends change as a result of your divorce, but what you say could end up in the hands of your spouse’s divorce lawyer. Be careful!

Follow these five tips to make sure Facebook doesn’t hurt your relationships or your case.

Facebook Tip #1 – Practice Responsible Wall Posting

You may be upset, but venting on Facebook is inappropriate. Your comments don’t just insult your spouse, they could insult your children, family members, and friends who care about either one of you. To make matters worse, defaming posts or incriminating posts could negatively impact your divorce case. Printed screen shots of Facebook accounts can be used as evidence in a divorce case.

Jun 22, 2010

Children’s Safety and the Elkins Task Force

We previously introduced you to the Elkins Family Law Task Force, a committee established by the Judicial Counsel of California to improve the efficiency of the California Family Law Courts.  The Task Force set out to review the system as it is and has followed up with a series of recommendations for improvement.

Much of these improvements have to do with implementing “More effective child custody procedures for a better court experience for families and children” (from the Report to the Judicial Counsel). More specifically the Task Force seeks to:

• Improve educational programs and professional development opportunities for judicial officers to more effectively address the needs of California children.
• Improve funding for child custody mediation services that result in more time for mediators to work with families.
• Allow for confidential mediation sessions giving parents more freedom to speak openly.
• Make it easier for parents to communicate with the judge about their parenting plan (could include additional forms).
• Create better defined roles of child custody evaluators and investigators.
• Make it so courts can choose to allow a minor’s participation in a divorce on a case-by-case basis. If a child needs his or her own counsel, courts should monitor the bills and cap fees, if appropriate.
• Demand that Child Welfare Services expeditiously investigate all situations of alleged child abuse and neglect, even if a parent has not filed an action with the court.
• Put cases that include physical and sexual child abuse allegations on a fast track bringing in mediators, investigators, and judicial offers right away to ensure child safety.
• Reduce number of children interviews to one, which will minimize the child’s participation in the case.
• Create new legislation to allow the family court’s access to reports and information relating to investigations completed by California Protective Services that does not interfere with due process or privacy rights.

Jun 11, 2010

Top 26 Funniest Break Up and Divorce Movies

Break ups and divorce are not something to laugh about, but there’s no denying that it feels good to find comedy in life, especially during stressful times. Humorous books, stand-up comedy, laughter clubs (yes, they do exist), and funny movies all present an opportunity for you to let go and have some fun.

Don’t let your divorce consume you. Take time to laugh.

There are studies to prove that smiling and laughter help speed up the grieving process. According to a report released by the American Psychological Association, “The expression of genuine positive emotion (particularly Duchenne laughter) during bereavement relates to heightened adjustment on a variety of levels.”