Is Divorce Mediation For You?

By Diana Shepherd

Mediation is the most practical choice for a person to make when facing a divorce. It helps avoid the stress of litigation, it saves money and helps put the unpleasantness of divorce behind you as quickly and peacefully as possible.

Many also believe that the agreements reached are more thoughtful and tailored to your individual circumstances and your family's circumstances, than the typical court judgment. As a result, the adherence rate to mediated agreements is typically much higher than that of adherence to court orders.

The public exposure of going to court is often unthinkable for those who want to preserve family relationships. A great deal of conflict can fester in this area, where divided loyalties, emotions and conflict of interest often come into play. Effective mediation can help create workable and durable agreements, and often strengthen the underlying relationships.

Beyond simply reducing the risks inherent in litigation or unaddressed conflict, our services have the potential to create hope where there is despair. The process of mediation — which is conducted in a comfortable, informal, yet structured forum — allows people to trust that they will be heard, which calms emotions and allows the beginning of mutual understanding.

When trust is established, the focus shifts from the pain of the past to productive solutions for the present and future.

Additional Points to Consider About Mediation:

• Mediation can save you time, money, and stress during divorce. Unfortunately, this dispute resolution process is not for everyone.
• The mediation process, also called Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), requires two individuals who are willing to look past their emotions and, in a spirit of cooperation, find the best solution for their unique situation. Mediation is not a magic pill -- it can't turn a terrible situation into a good one -- but it can help to create a future everyone can live with.
• "Hands down, mediation generates far better results for a client than litigation as long as both parties actively participate," says Martha Bourne, an attorney and mediator in Houston . "The mediator helps level the playing field, whereas in the courtroom, one party can easily outspend the other."
• Successful mediation requires the cooperation of both spouses. There has to be some communication between you and your spouse, or at least a willingness to focus on the issues rather than on your emotions. You and your spouse must be willing to make concessions, and at times compromise, to find a workable solution.
  
  Both parties must understand that everything discussed at the mediation table is in the best interests of the family. If both of you are committed to resolving your conflicts, the rewards of mediation can outweigh the effort required to talk and compromise.
• While statistics vary, couples are generally more willing to comply with the terms of a solution they have drawn up themselves than one that has been dictated to them. According to Carol Griffin, a Houston-based lawyer-mediator who practices with Maureen Peltier & Associates, mediation has gained in popularity because "it's more creative and allows for more control over the outcome. It can also be less expensive and time-consuming than litigation or settlement."

Mediation is not intended to bring you and your spouse back together. If there is still the possibility of reconciliation, you should seek marriage counseling or therapy. The process of mediation helps draw up a blueprint for living apart; the mediator's job is to help each of you get on with your lives as separate individuals.

Divorce Mediation