Divorce Mediation in California

Divorce Mediation is Growing in Popularity

If a long, bitter court battle doesn't turn you on, you might want to consider trying Mediation. Divorce Mediation is growing in popularity in California as an alternative to the adversarial approach to divorce. Basically, mediators provide couples with professional guidance while giving them an opportunity to maximize their personal input into the settlement.

"One of the greatest advantages of divorce mediation is the confidentiality and privacy," says Orange County California attorney-mediator Mari Frank. "In litigation, your personal information and dirty laundry is out there for everybody to see."

Another advantage is the cost, she adds. "Mediation's usually far less expensive than litigation. It focuses on problem solving, not on arguments that escalate the conflict.

You can reduce the conflict and get the process of settlement moving. It's far less stressful: you're empowered to make your own decisions, not delegating authority to someone who can destroy your life or take your children away from you." The non-adversarial nature of the process encourages future cooperative behavior -- an important objective when children are involved.

Best Candidates for Divorce Mediation

The best candidates for divorce mediation are couples who are willing to work together, who want to attack the problems they're facing rather than each other. In general, the divorce mediator will help you to separate your feelings of anger or rejection from the actual problem-solving tasks that need to be addressed.

Divorce Mediation also requires that you allow the mediator to help you to be flexible, creative, honest, and willing to try various solutions.

Worst Candidates for Divorce Mediation

"The worst candidates are those who would rather be right than happy, or are willing to make everybody lose to prove they're right," says Frank. "Also, control freaks, or those who don't care about their kids or their own emotional wellbeing."

If you want to try divorce mediation, find a mediator and begin the process as soon as possible; if you're already knee-deep in litigation, any kindly feelings you may have had for your ex will be long-gone, and you'll be less willing to make the compromises that mediation will require for the good of the family.

It's never too late to mediate.

Even if your divorce mediator is also a lawyer, each of you should still retain your own attorney for a few hours to advise you of the implications of any proposed agreement before you sign it. In this case, the attorneys will be acting as consultants rather than active participants, saving you thousands of dollars.

It may seem obvious, but for divorce mediation to succeed, both parties must want closure to their marriage. Sometimes, the process can simply be delayed until this level of emotional readiness has been achieved. In situations in which there is ongoing domestic violence, mediation may not be an option. "If there are reasonable ground rules, and one party refuses to abide," explains Frank, "mediation won't work. If parties refuse to disclose or they hide information, they're not fulfilling their obligation under law."

Divorce Mediation