California Family Law - The Adversarial Divorce

When each is other's enemy

The very word "adversarial divorce" implies that each party considers the other to be an enemy; that there will be a "winner" and a "loser" at the end of the process. According to Margorie L. Engel and Diana D. Gould, co-authors of The Divorce Decisions Workbook (McGraw-Hill, 1992), the two most popular female threats in an adversarial divorce are: "I'll take you to the cleaners!" and "I'll get the children, and you'll never see them!" The two most popular male threats are: "You'll get no money!" and "I'll take the children!"

During a truly adversarial divorce, each spouse is looking out only for his or her own interests rather than trying to resolve their issues in a fair, balanced way. Everyone has heard of a "divorce from hell" in which the participants have spent years in litigation and ended up bankrupt rather than compromise on a single issue. Such divorces, however, really aren't the norm.

"The only reason I ever end up litigating is that an opposing attorney or party is taking an unreasonable, unrealistic position," says Hunter. "You have to litigate when there's an unreasonable or emotional other side who is not willing to reach a reasonable settlement."

Divorce