Helping Kids Cope With Divorce

Divorce is a difficult time for both parents and children. However, parents have the ability to minimize the trauma and help children adjust to the inevitable changes during a separation and divorce.

Guidelines for Helping Children Cope With Divorce

1. Allow children to form their own opinions about the other parent. Parents shouldn't bad mouth or protect the other parent.

2. Encourage expressions of anger, hurt, loneliness, and fear. Listen to your children and recognize their ideas.

3. Emphasize that children can love both parents. DO NOT force children to take sides or become pawns in your dispute.

4. Despite the fact that mom and dad don't live together, let the children know that both of you still, and always will, love them.

5. Reassure your children the divorce is not their fault or responsibility.

6. DO NOT fight in front of the children. Arrange a mutually convenient time and place to discuss "hot" issues such as custody, visitation, and support. If one parent starts a fight, the other can walk away.

7. DO NOT use your children as a messenger service. The parents should handle all scheduling or money conflicts.

8. Parents need to re-define the boundaries of the relationship. Be business-like and focus on solutions with your ex using direct and explicit communication.

9. Create as much continuity and security as possible for your children. Tell them you love them daily, and reassure them you will always be there for them.

10. REMEMBER: Parents need to be parents, and children need to be children. DO NOT look to your children for your own emotional support.

11. DO NOT discuss financial, custodial, court, or visitation issues with the children. If they are younger, simply reassure them you are making the best decisions for them. Allow older children some input with the idea that the adults will make a final decision.

Co-parenting is forever, so learn to make it as stress-free as possible.